A tug-of-war with myself

I remember having that tug-of-war with myself; in fact, it still continues. On the one side, I am pulled by unseen forces that search for meaning and purpose in my life. And on the other side, I am pulled by the expectations of family and society to be ‘normal’, fulfil my obligations and be a responsible person.

I have always found solitude, especially outdoors in nature, to be a great source of nourishment for my soul. I have also discovered that challenging myself is a path to inner knowing. And challenge comes with risk and anything from discomfort to pain and suffering. But also reward, exhilaration; even, on occasion, enlightenment.

There is method to our madness, for like a seed, germination and growth happen in the cold and dark places. It is no coincidence that the mystic, Merlin, is said to have lived in a cave in the depths of the forest. We are simply following our hard-wired ‘hero’s quest’, where the ‘holy grail’ is the cup of self-knowledge.

Every hero’s journey is different. My path of discovery took me into the delightful mazes of philosophy and psychology. After many diversions and dead-ends, I found the heart of my quest in Taoism and the wisdom of Jung. And every now and then, new perspectives (literally new ways of seeing) reveal new paths.

For example, it was only much later that I discovered art as a kind of magic spell that brings fresh revelations to the worlds I thought I knew. At other times, I have found animals (geese, elephants) have revealed hidden insights. And of course, there is no substitute for the school of hard knocks (in my case, love lost and re-found).

The trickiest thing in life, I’ve found, is to keep that dynamic balance between persona and psyche, between inner and outer, between nurturing our soul and being mindful of others, between standing out and fitting in. This is the eternal dance of opposites, the tai chi of life, the tango of love of self and love for others.