Thirty-six

I am thirty-six
And in one long short year
My world has changed
Expanded
Intensified
With more shades
Of dark and light

I have ascended to summits of hope
And tunnelled through caves of despair
Without giving up

I have skipped across meadows of ecstasy
And waded in swamps of sadness
Without being trapped

I have showered under waterfalls of passion
And walked on glaciers of numbness
Without losing heart

I have strolled on beaches of contentment
And battled with tides of disappointment
Without being drowned

Each frontier I cross
Expands my awareness
And deepens my understanding

Each horizon I chase
Widens my experience
And heightens my sensitivity

Each new low I plumb
Lowers my expectations
And raises my beliefs

Each new high I scale
Softens my defences
And hardens my resolve

I am tired
And yet I feel that my reserves
Are being steadily replenished

I am adrift
And yet I sense that the wind
Is blowing in the right direction

I am alone
And yet I seem to be starting
To open my heart to possibility

I am scarred
And yet I am a little more prepared
To contemplate trusting again

I no longer brush away my tears
For they help me to smile
With my eyes

I no longer curse the darkness
For it helps me to pay attention
To the light

I no longer fear the pain
For it helps me to know beauty
More intensely

I no longer hide from uncertainty
For it helps me to cherish moments
Of knowing clarity

I am thirty-six
And I have emerged
From the cocoon of self-pity
Bewildered
Relieved
With wings
Still wet and crumpled